Dating with purpose can be a foreign term to many people. Not very often do you find the two words in the same sentence, and when you do it’s normally after a long-winded conversation and one too many glasses of wine. After speaking with a few girlfriends of mine, I’ve come to realize that few men or women actually date with the intention of getting married. Some date because they’re lonely and bored, while others date because they want cute pictures to post on Instagram. The purpose of dating is to find your life partner. In this post, I’m breaking down how to date with purpose and exactly why you need to do it.
“God is love, so it makes sense that we have to go through Him to find the one we should marry.”
Dating With Purpose: How And Why You Need To
It can be difficult being a single man or woman in this modern age. Letters have been replaced by email, conversations replaced by text message and going for a walk has now become stalking Instagram profiles. I admit to trying to stalk an ex (just kidding, who has time for that?).
When I was a teenager, I never really went out with a guy because I was looking for Mr Right. In fact, I’m pretty sure I was just looking for Mr Right Now. Having low self-esteem and being constantly told that I wasn’t pretty enough left me with an intense desire to feel wanted.
Wanting to be like other girls who had boyfriends, led me to settle for the first guy that showed any interest, and I was always left with a broken heart.
Many young adults experience the same kind of rejection and “broken heart syndrome” today. Living in a society consumed by quick fixes, instant pleasure becomes the name of the game.
Women stop looking for husbands and are content with forever being someone else’s girlfriend while men have no intention of searching for a wife. But the bible says “he (or she) who finds a wife (or husband) finds a good thing“, and that’s one major missing piece of the puzzle.
We weren’t created to flit from flower to flower, forever searching for, yet never finding, our one true love. Human beings were meant to find love, marry and start a family, and the bible confirms that many times!
If you want to date with purpose (or date with the intention to marry), here are some valuable tips to help you make the most of your experience:
UNDERSTAND WHO YOU ARE
A stable, healthy relationship is the combination of two whole people, not two halves trying to find themselves. Dating with purpose and intention involves a complete understanding of who you are.
It is important that you understand what your weaknesses or strengths are, how you communicate, your likes and dislikes and the list goes on and on.
One of the best gifts you can give your future partner is self-awareness.
When you are self-aware, you become an unbelievable force of nature. You are able to make better decisions, hold better quality conversations and you become 100% comfortable in your own skin.
If you don't know yourself enough, how can you possibly expect others to know you either? Click To Tweet
Having no clue who I was, completely messed up my “Christian dating” life when I was younger. I struggled with issues that slowly but surely seeped their way into every relationship I had.
Some of my partners, on the other hand, were completely self-aware so they understood their needs, desires and emotions in a way I never could.
Being aware of your values and how you come across to others assists you greatly during the dating process. You begin to sift through those persons who don’t line up with your values and save yourself so much time and heartache.
Your intuition becomes your guide and you’re able to quickly identify if you have what it takes to sustain a healthy relationship.
FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT
Have you ever gone to a fast food restaurant and stood in line, staring at the menu for what feels like hours, yet not really having a clue what you really want? Better yet, have you ever been behind someone who has?
If you don’t know what you want in a person or from a relationship, you will never be able to date with a purpose.
Going from partner to partner, always on the look-out for something better, is a healthy sign that you have no clue what you want. You’re just on the search for greener pastures which will never come.
It’s time to figure out what you want before you start courting so you don’t waste your time or anyone else’s.
Date with intention by understanding what you’re looking for is like having a GPS system in your car. It brings you to the right persons and keeps you heading towards your final destination.
Over 60% of the adults dating, according to dating surveys, have no clue what they’re looking for. To help you figure things out, grab a pen and some paper, and take the time to do some introspection.
Are there any particular personality traits that are a must-have? For example, must your future husband (or wife) be a man (or woman) of God? Do they need to be honest and kind?
My ideal partner will be a man of God who is so lost in the holy spirit that I need to be lost as well to find Him, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’d also love if he spoke multiple languages so that our children would become multi-lingual from a very young age.
Make a list of approximately 10 traits that you’d like your partner to have as well as 5 traits that we will call the “No No” list. Whenever you go out on a date, keep these lists in mind so that once you find someone who “makes the cut” you’re able to move forward with confidence and clarity.
LET GO OF THE PAST
Never carry the hurts of your past into your present or your future. The reason so many people date endlessly without any intention or purpose is that they bring with them past relationship hurt and baggage.
This additional weight brings them down and clouds their judgement.
Most of us have been hurt at some point in our lives. We might have been lied to or cheated on so many times that we’ve lost faith in humanity. If you want to date with the purpose of getting married one day, you need to forgive, and forget so you can move forward.
When you blame others for the pain you’ve experienced in your past, you diminish the possibility of building a new present together. You also remove responsibility from yourself and hand over the reigns to the other person.
Other people become responsible for proving to you that they aren’t your ex and have to work three times as hard because you’re still nursing your wounds.
I’ve done this to many great men. Blaming them for anything and everything that happened to me only served to push them further away.
When a relationship ends, you have to realize that it’s over, and unless you forgive yourself and forgive the situation, you will be bound to it for eternity.
The pain will leave when you let it go.
Realize that no two people are the same and it is unfair to hold a future partner to the standards set by an ex. If you’re going to date with intention then give yourself the opportunity to heal before you walk into another relationship.
Wipe the slate clean then go ahead with a clear head and a clean heart.
APPLY THE LAW OF ATTRACTION
Many people are familiar with the basics of the law of attraction– what you spend most of your time focusing on is what you begin to attract into your life.
The problem is that most people don’t understand that, not only must you focus on those things, experiences and people you want to attract, you need to embody them.
I can see now that when I attracted my ex-husband into my life, I was insecure, needy and lost. This allowed me to attract someone who was also needy, lost and insecure about every single aspect of their life.
Like attracts like.
As much as you might want to attract a strong, successful, independent man/woman, if you’re a weak person with a weak mind, then that is exactly what you will attract into your life.
The soul attracts that which it secretly harbours, that which it loves, and also that which it fears. Click To Tweet
The law of attraction is always working whether you believe it or not. I’ve written about using the law of attraction to manifest the life you want and you can also use it to manifest the relationship you desire.
Dating with purpose, while using the law of attraction, is very effective. The more love and joy you give, the more you will attract.
It would also stand to reason that if you believe “there are no good ones left” or “nobody can be trusted”, then guess what kinds of people will come your way?
I don’t want to know but it can’t be anything good.
Your beliefs and desires will govern the way you date so never give up on them. So many people become disappointed when one date doesn’t meet the criteria they set so they give up completely.
Don’t do this! The person God meant for you to be with is out there. Keep believing and stay committed.
If you can imagine it in your mind, you can experience it in your reality.
ADOPT A POSITIVE MINDSET
Having a positive mindset throughout the dating process boosts your confidence and makes you ten times more attractive. When you believe that something good will always happen, it becomes easier to date with a purpose.
Just as limiting beliefs and a “can’t do” mindset negative affects your life, a positive mindset opens you up to limitless prosperity, success and favour in the dating realm.
Think back on all the people you have met at parties, your office or even in the park after a long walk. How many of these people have asked you out for coffee and you said “no”?
What if you gave more people the chance to get to you know you better?
Far too many people shy away from new people and new experiences because they fear that the person won’t live up to expectations.
A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst and it sparks extraordinary results. Click To Tweet
Stop thinking about the worst-case scenario and try to think about the positive, wonderful things that could come from your date. You could hit it off, start dating, get married and make beautiful memories together.
Don’t be afraid of all the things that could go wrong and start thinking about everything that could go right.
There will be times when a date will not pan out and that’s okay. Learn from the experience and keep moving forward. Trust that there are good people in this world and all you need is one.
DATING WITH PURPOSE MEANS BEING INTENTIONAL
Dating with purpose means believing that dating is an investment you make. You’re investing time and effort into every person you meet so your final destination should be marriage.
The thing about Godly dating is that people will have your opinions. They will discourage you and try their best to make you feel less than because your values are different.
But it becomes easier to stand up for what you believe in once you know and internalize your values.
Don’t misunderstand. Dating is a fun process but it shouldn’t be based on the idea of “temporary”.
Sometimes I joke that when I date someone, I’m looking for a potential husband and father, not a boyfriend. So every time we go out, everything they say (or don’t say) should be considered a job interview.
Be clear on who you want, what you want and invest your dating time wisely.
A good man once said, “Run as fast as you can towards God and if someone keeps us, smile and introduce yourself.”
If you enjoyed reading about how and why dating with purpose is important, you would enjoy reading more about the questions you should ask before you start dating.
Also, let me know. Are you currently dating? What one tip will you use while you date?
I love reading your comments and hearing your thoughts so please comment down below. Also if you have any questions feel free to ask me them in the comment section below. Please also like and share this post and sign up so you never miss a thing!
Until next time. Peace, love and prayers.