Breakups Can Be Hard
Relationship can be one of the most difficult undertakings for any human beings. Do you want what can be even more difficult? Breaking up and having to deal with yourself in the aftermath of said breakup. A few years ago I went through an incredibly difficult breakup. I felt like I lost a huge chunk of my life and time because I did not know how to properly deal with my breakup. If you have recently broken up with someone, you might be in shock or grieving. Don’t worry. I’m here for you. I present to you the expert’s guide to dealing with breakups. I trust this guide will help ease you through this difficult period in your life.
“Sometimes you just need to erase the messages, delete the number, and move on.” Anon
What To Do After A Breakup:
1 Get A Makeover
After a fresh breakup, you might be feeling very out of it. Your mind is cluttered, your eyes are puffy from crying and your self-esteem might be at an all-time low. A great way to get passed those yucky feelings is to give yourself a makeover. Not only is this a fantastic way to lift yourself out of a funk, it is a wonderful way to practice self care.
Self care is especially important because dealing with breakups can reveal the more vulnerable sides of us.
Is there a haircut you have always wanted to try? Go for it. Do you have a hair colour that you have always wanted to rock but just never found the right time? Here’s the perfect opportunity. Go to that barber shop or hair salon and get that style you’ve been dreaming of. Head to the department store and pick out a new outfit while you’re at it.
Treat yourself. You truly deserve it right now.
2 Find A Hobby You Love
It might sound cliche, but a great way to handle a bad breakup is to find a hobby that you love. I have spoken to many men and women who have been through terrible ordeals with exes, and a large number of them have stated that hobbies such as writing, collecting, photography and painting have helped them to heal.
For me, I have also found that since I was able to write my feelings down or draw pictures, I no longer felt burdened or bottled up anymore. I was able to find a productive way to spend my time and thoughts.
At first, you might need to slow down and get your thoughts together. Pretty soon you’ll find that keeping yourself occupied prevents you from dwelling on negative thoughts and emotions. Fill your day with fun activities outside of work. Go dancing, paint, start a bullet journal or practice yoga.
Every single activity will help you to heal if you give yourself the time.
3 Block Them
I honestly recommend blocking your ex. Block them on all social media. If you were friends on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, go through each of these accounts one by one, delete and/or block them.
Having them in your social media contacts only serves as a constant reminder of something that didn’t work out. If you want to start fresh and your desire is to move on with your life then you need to remove those reminders from your immediate vision. When I broke up with my boyfriend not only did I block him everywhere, I stayed away from social media for about three days. It gave me the chance to clear my thoughts, focus on something else and most importantly, it prevented me from posting in anger.
You must remember, that in an attempt to hurt your ex or in an attempt to vent, you might post something bad on social media. Whatever you post online stays online, so step away from the laptop, put the cellphone down and concentrate on you. You are what’s most important right now.
4 Stop Obsessing
Have you ever studied for a math test and did everything you possibly could to pass, only to end up failing? It hurt you so much you spend days, even weeks, trying to figure out where you went wrong. You might even attempt to recreate the scenario in your mind in an attempt to figure out any clues you might have missed. Relationships are the same way.
Dealing with breakups can be hard and after a breakup, we often spend days, weeks or months obsessing over where we went wrong and what we could have done to prevent the breakup. Often times we blame ourselves when, honestly, we really tried our best. I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but it takes two willing persons for a relationship to work.
You can’t expect one person to be pulling all the weight and have success. Sometimes, no matter what you do, people still leave. You cannot hold unto someone who wants to move on with their life. If they don’t want to stay let them go and stop obsessing over them. Live your life because it does go on.
5 Find Positivity
One of the best things that helped me when I was trying to heal from my broken relationship was finding positive and supportive friends to be around. These wonderful people allowed me to vent for exactly one or two weeks. I could say whatever I wanted. They allowed me to yell and scream and cry.
After the allotted time was up, it was their turn to cheer me up and help me to move on. My friends helped me to see that I was so much more than just a girlfriend, I was Dee. I was a beautiful, talented and amazing young woman who had a lot more to offer the world than self pity.
Do you have a bunch of girlfriends or just one great girlfriend or guy friend you can trust? Spend some time together. I can guarantee that they will help to pull out of the slump. They will help you to laugh again and find that amazing person hidden behind all the tears and grief.
Take the time you need to spend with those who love and who will never judge you. Be honest about your feelings and allow them to help you get passed them.
6 Move Out
Dealing with a breakup can be hard enough when you are by yourself, if you are still living with the person, this will amplify the situation that much more. Move out. Find a place that you can call your own. Get yourself an apartment or a flat and move all your stuff if you shared a space with your ex.
If you are unable to afford a new place at the moment or just not ready, call your mom or a close friend and crash with them. Do everything you can to remove yourself from what can be, a very toxic situation.
An even more “extreme” version of moving out is to relocate completely. This can mean moving to a new city, or in my case, moving to a new country. The term “out of sight, out of ones mind” is very accurate. When I moved to Japan, it helped me to heal that much faster because I was away from every single thing that reminded me of my past situation.
I was in a new environment where no-one knew me, and thus no-one knew what had happened. I could truly start over free from judgement and free from the weight I carried knowing my ex was always nearby.
7 Let It Go
I am almost certain that every man, woman and child has seen the movie “Frozen” which is great. I bring it up because there is a song that Else sings which is called “Let It Go.” I love the words of this song because it truly explains what I want to tell you right now.
It will get better in time, and I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life miserable because you held unto everything from your past relationship. Let it go. You need to let go of all the pain, frustration and every single negative aspect of that relationship. Dealing with breakups is hard enough without you carrying all that extra weight around.
You might be feeling bitter because of something your ex did, or you might be feeling regret for time wasted. Take note of lessons you learned about the entire experience then forgive him or her, and let it go. Focus on your new journey ahead and forgive them because it releases you.
Bonus: Embrace Your New Life
So you’re now single. Welcome to this amazing new chapter in your life. This is the time where you’ll learn many things about yourself that you probably hadn’t known before.
If you want to properly deal with a breakup then you need to understand that being alone is not a bad thing. In fact, you can find fulfillment and joy in the midst of your solitude.
Embrace your single life. Grab a pair of your favourite pajamas and put your hair up in a messy bun. Smile because you no longer need anyone’s approval to relax and let your hair down. Understand hat you are fierce and you don’t need a man or a woman to complete you because it’s true.
Many of us spend our lives in relationships and never get the chance to discover ourselves the way we’re meant to.
Understand that everything happens for a reason, and take this time to grow and become a better version of yourself.
Also, let me know. Have you recently broken up with someone? How do you handle it? I love reading your comments so please comment down below and let me know your thoughts. Please also like and share this post. I’d really appreciate your support on all my social media as well.
Until next time. Peace, love and prayers.