Dealing with breakups is never an easy thing. Hearts are broken, promises are forgotten, and at times, you see the worst sides of the person you once loved or still love. After a breakup, it can be difficult trying to figure out what to do, who to go to and where to turn. The emotions can cloud your judgement and healing your broken heart might seem impossible. It doesn’t have to be. A few years ago, I went through a very difficult breakup myself and the tips I will discuss below not only helped me to move on but rebuilt the shattered pieces of my broken heart one by one.
“Respect yourself enough to walk away from anyone or anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy.”
THE EXPERT’S GUIDE TO DEALING WITH BREAKUPS
1 GIVE YOURSELF A MAKEOVER
After a fresh breakup, you might be feeling very out of it. Your mind is cluttered, your eyes are puffy from crying and your self-esteem might be at an all-time low.
A great way to get passed those yucky feelings is to give yourself a subtle makeover. Not only is this a fantastic way to lift yourself out of a breakup funk, it is a wonderful way to practice self-care.
Self-care is especially important because dealing with breakups can reveal the more vulnerable sides of us.
When I went through my breakup a while back, I felt ugly and completed dejected. Practising self-care literally saved my life.
Not only did I give myself a makeover physically, I gave myself an emotional makeover. I learned how to use the power of self-affirmations, and little by little, I rebuilt the self-esteem I had lost throughout the relationship.
A breakup is a great way to re-invent yourself, learn to love yourself more, and see all the beauty you missed before. Click To Tweet
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For many people, after someone breaks their heart, they want to completely change who they are, the clothes they wear and the colour of their hair. You don’t need to do this.
Just because someone else didn’t see the value you provided doesn’t mean that you aren’t an amazing person. It’s time to stop thinking negatively about yourself and start seeing the beautiful person behind the tears.
Physical makeovers can be amazing and temporarily make us happy, but the best makeovers are those of the heart. Those makeovers that make you not want to change who you are, but embrace who you are even more.
Take the time you need to rediscover all the things you love about yourself and remind yourself of just how amazing you are breakup or no breakup.
2 DISCOVER A NEW HOBBY
After a really bad breakup, it can be difficult getting excited about the things you loved or wanted to try before you broke up. As hard as this might be, it’s time to invest in an activity that makes you feel good.
I have spoken to tons of men and women who have been through terrible ordeals with exes, and a large number of them have stated that hobbies such as writing, collecting, photography and painting have helped them to heal.
Make time to nurture yourself by nurturing your interests.
Taking the opportunity to explore new interests and activities, I no longer felt burdened or low. (I even discovered that I’m pretty handy with a sewing machine and needle 🙂 ). The more I designed clothing and used my sewing machine, the happier I became.
At first, you might need to slow down and get your thoughts together. Pretty soon you’ll find that keeping yourself occupied prevents you from dwelling on negative thoughts and emotions.
Fill your day with fun, interesting activities outside of work. Go dancing, get into art and crafts, consider bullet journaling or even practice yoga.
Getting over a breakup takes time, but if you spend your time focusing on things that bring you happiness and joy, you’ll not only heal from the relationship, you’ll become an even better version of yourself.
3 BLOCK THEM
Your broken heart will not be able to heal if you constantly see your ex on social media. So I honestly recommend blocking them and removing them from your phone and any other accounts.
If you were friends on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, go through each of these accounts one by one, delete and/or block them.
Having them in your social media contacts only serves as a constant reminder of something that didn’t work out.
If you want to start fresh and your desire is to move on with your life then you need to remove those reminders from your immediate vision.
The truth is unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward. Click To Tweet
When I broke up with my boyfriend not only did I block him everywhere, I stayed away from social media for about three to five days and spent the time developing new habits.
It gave me the chance to clear my thoughts, focus on something else and most importantly, it prevented me from posting in anger.
You must remember, that in an attempt to hurt your ex or in an attempt to vent, you might post something bad on social media.
Whatever you post online stays online, so step away from the laptop, put the cell phone down and concentrate on you. You are what’s most important right now.
4 DON’T OBSESS OVER YOUR EX
Have you ever studied for a math test and did everything you possibly could to pass, only to end up failing? It hurt you so much you spend days, even weeks, trying to figure out where you went wrong.
You might even attempt to recreate the scenario in your mind in an attempt to figure out any clues you might have missed. Relationships are the same way.
Dealing with breakups can be hard and after a breakup, we often spend days, weeks or months obsessing over where we went wrong and what we could have done to prevent the breakup.
Often times we blame ourselves when, honestly, we really tried our best.
I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but it takes two willing persons for a relationship to work.
You can’t expect one person to be pulling all the weight and have success. Sometimes, no matter what you do, people still leave. You cannot hold onto someone who wants to move on with their life.
If they don’t want to stay let them go and stop obsessing over them. Live your life because it does go on.
5 FOCUS ON POSITIVE THINGS
One of the best things that helped me when I was trying to heal from my broken relationship was finding positive and supportive friends to be around.
These wonderful people allowed me to vent for exactly one or two weeks. I could say whatever I wanted. They allowed me to yell and scream and cry.
After the allotted time was up, it was their turn to cheer me up and help me to move on. My friends helped me to see that I was so much more than just a girlfriend, I was Dee.
I was a beautiful, talented and amazing young woman who had a lot more to offer the world than self-pity.
You need that one friend who will not only let you cry on their shoulder but are not afraid to whip you back into shape after you do. Click To Tweet
Do you have a bunch of girlfriends or just one great girlfriend or guy friend you can trust? Spend some time together. I can guarantee that they will help to pull out of the slump.
They will help you to laugh again and find that amazing person hidden behind all the tears and grief.
Take the time you need to spend with those who love and who will never judge you. Be honest about your feelings and allow them to help you get passed them.
6 GET YOUR OWN PLACE
Dealing with a breakup can be hard enough when you are by yourself, if you are still living with the person, this will amplify the situation that much more. Move out.
Find a place that you can call your own. Get yourself an apartment or a flat and move all your stuff if you shared a space with your ex.
If you are unable to afford a new place at the moment or just not ready, call your mom or a close friend and crash with them.
Do everything you can to remove yourself from what can be, a very toxic situation.
An even more “extreme” version of moving out is to relocate completely. This can mean moving to a new city, or in my case, moving to a new country.
The term “out of sight, out of one’s mind” is very accurate.
When I moved to Japan, it helped me to heal that much faster because I was away from every single thing that reminded me of my past situation.
I was in a new environment where no-one knew me, and thus no-one knew what had happened. I could truly start over free from judgement and free from the weight I carried knowing my ex was always nearby.
7 LET IT GO
I am almost certain that every man, woman and child has seen the movie “Frozen” which is great. I bring it up because there is a song that Else sings which is called “Let It Go.”
I love the words of this song because it truly explains what I want to tell you right now.
It will get better in time, and I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life miserable because you held unto everything from your past relationship. Let it go.
You need to let go of all the pain, frustration and every single negative aspect of that relationship. Dealing with breakups is hard enough without you carrying all that extra weight around.
You might be feeling bitter because of something that happened in your past relationships, or you might be feeling regret for time wasted.
Regret is the biggest waste of time. Take note of the lessons you learned about the entire experience, forgive them and yourself, and let it all go.
Focus on your new journey ahead and forgive them because it releases you.
EMBRACE YOUR NEW LIFE
You’re now single. Welcome to this amazing new chapter in your life. This is the time where you’ll learn many things about yourself that you probably hadn’t known before.
If you want to properly deal with a breakup then you need to understand that being alone is not a bad thing. In fact, you can find fulfilment and joy in the midst of your solitude.
Embrace your single life. Grab a pair of your favourite pyjamas and put your hair up in a messy bun. Smile because you no longer need anyone’s approval to relax and let your hair down.
Understand hat you are fierce and you don’t need a man or a woman to complete you because it’s true.
Many of us spend our lives in relationships and never get the chance to discover ourselves the way we’re meant to.
Understand that everything happens for a reason, and take this time to grow and become a better version of yourself.
Also, let me know. Have you recently broken up with someone? How do you handle it? I love reading your comments so please comment down below and let me know your thoughts. Please also like and share this post. I’d really appreciate your support on all my social media as well.
Until next time. Peace, love and prayers.