Wanting A Relationship
I know there are many of us, at some point in our lives, want to be in a relationship. It is also fair to assume that many of us want to be married. Being single, you might not understand what it takes for someone to have a good marriage. Even when you’re in a relationship, you still might not understand what it takes to have a great relationship. Well, you’ve come to the right place. After years of speaking to and being around many successful husbands and wives, I am about to spill the 10 secrets of successful relationships.
“The relationship between husband and wife should be one of closest friends.” B. R. Ambedkar
Have you ever tried talking to someone yet no matter how hard you try, they just don’t understand a word you’re saying? I have had that happen to me, and it is truly a struggle. This happens because you and I were unable to effectively communicate. Many times we feel like we’re communicating when we’re really not and that causes a lot of frustration between both parties.
From studying a number of couples, I have realized that they all share the same skill- the gift of effective communication. Whenever the husband or the wife speaks, the other is very attentive and present. They ensure that the other understands their point, and if not, they will repeat, speak more slowly, or find another way to bring their point across. I have been told that effective communication makes other areas of a couples’ lives much easier.
I feel like many of us think we are amazing listeners when in truth all we do is go around hearing things. The fact that we are always hearing things, to us, it looks like we are on the ball. Did you know that there is a major difference between hearing what someone says and actually listening?
Hearing requires no “commitment” or effort at all because it is just the act of perceiving a sound that comes across your eardrums. If you have no disability, then hearing simple happens by default. When you listen, however, it requires you to make a conscious decision. Listening requires concentration, so your brain can process the things being said. So if you want to be successful in your future relationship, then how about practicing listening and not just hearing stuff?
Showing gratitude is often times an overlooked aspect and so many relationships suffer because of it. It might sound really silly, but trust me, it works. Every day that you’re with your spouse I am going to ask you to do this- find one thing to thank your spouse for. It might be something small that they do that you truly appreciate.
A great idea, I think, is to start a gratitude journal. Every night after work or each morning as you get up, write down one thing that you are thankful for in your spouse. Do they always make you burned toast? Write it down. Are they super generous with hugs and kisses even when you’re not feeling sexy? Make it known.
Social media has been a fantastic invention for us all. It enables us to keep in touch with our friends, family and so many other people across the world. The possibilities are just endless. Along with the pros of social media, it carries a set of cons as well. So many relationships crash on burn because one or both spouses are constantly online. They are always on Facebook telling the world how wonderful their relationship is or constantly on Instagram showing pictures of their adorable relationship to their many followers.
While you’re busy cultivating and nurturing your relationship for the world to see, you are neglecting the relationship in real life. So, do yourself a favor, and put the cellphones down. Turn off the computers and spend some time with each other. Make it a rule that when you go on dates, it is a no electronics zone. How about once you get home from work, the house becomes a no-cellphone zone?Click To Tweet
I know this might sound like a contradiction, but everyone needs some alone time. It is absolutely wonderful to spend time together and to nurture the relationship. I agree. What is also important is giving each other the space to be themselves or be with friends every once in a while. In my last long-term relationship, for the first year, we spent practically everyday together, and little did I know that it was driving him up the wall. He wanted to spend time with friends but was afraid of my response.
Take it from someone who has learned that hard way. Give each other a day or two a week to do things individually. This could be a hobby or meeting up with friends. Just give each other the space. Plus, distance does make the heart grow fonder 🙂
Trust Each Other
I often hear couples that say they either don’t trust each other or only trust each other X percent. I’m sorry, it often makes me giggle. I can’t understand how you can have a successful relationship, marriage, partnership or anything without trust.
Trust means that you won’t constantly snoop through your partner’s phone if they have given you no reason to be suspicious. It also means that if your spouse comes home late, it will not mean that you fly into a jealous rage. If you want your relationship to be successful and not drive yourself mad then you need to trust each other completely….
It is a well-known fact that relationships take work. A large portion of the work involves keeping the fire going even when you don’t feel like it. When I was a little girl, I thought that love was a feeling and that once you fell in love then it would last forever. As an adult, I have learned that love is a deliberate action. It is not a feeling because feelings change but when you decided to love your spouse, you made a conscious decision.
Every day, for the many years, you plan to be together, you need to work on the romance. Go out on dates together. Take vacations or just spice things up in the bedroom on a regular basis. Don’t become complacent. Just because you’ve won their hearts doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t continue working hard to keep them too.
When you met your spouse, started dating and soon after, decided to stay together, they fell in love with you as you were. They appreciated your quirks, your habits and your general sense of identity. I realize though, that many people, after they have been with their significant other for an extended period of time, begin to change. Small things that meant a lot to them no longer do, little hobbies they enjoyed doing are no longer important.
You are who you are, and you really shouldn’t have a need to change for your spouse. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t adapt positive changes if they apply, no. I am saying that you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable in your own skin. That makes no sense. It is okay to disagree on topics because you have your own opinion. Remind yourself that the person they fell in love with in the beginning is awesome.Click To Tweet
As human beings, it is understandable to want your own way sometimes. You like to have strawberry ice cream with peaches on the side, a dash of sprinkles and a candy straw. Relationships don’t always work the same way. Imagine a couple that is always arguing and throwing fits because they each want things to be run their own way. I can imagine that it would sound a little bit like hell.
A healthy relationship is a partnership, and in a partnership, compromise is necessary. At times you will need to compromise, and at times your spouse will need to compromise. Take vacations for example. You want to go to a hotel, but your spouse wants to go hiking. How about finding a location that has a great hotel with an accessible hiking trail?
Keep It Up
I’ve heard spouses of both genders complain that their significant others “let themselves go” after they were together for an extended period of time. At first, I was a bit confused by this phrase. What does that mean? Does that mean that if I get pregnant and gain some weight then my spouse will leave me? No. It doesn’t. Keeping it up means that you work hard to, as much as is possible, present your best self to your husband.
This can mean that maybe once a week, you get super dolled up and shock them with how sexy you are. You might love sweatpants and I do too. How about every now and then, swap those sweatpants for some leggings or jeggings? Or maybe you could swap that over-sized shirt for a cropped sweater. Keep your sexy going or you might end up losing yourself in your role as 'spouse'.Click To Tweet
I haven’t been in a relationship for a while, so you might be wondering what makes me able to give anyone advice? While I haven’t been in a relationship, I have been around thousands of boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives, and they’ve all told me the same things. I hope that by reading my list, you gain a new outlook. If you’re guilty of neglecting of the above things, how about committing to working on them starting today?
There you have it. These are the 10 secrets of successful relationships.
A few of my most popular posts are linked below. Be sure to check them out as well:
Also, let me know. Where do you see yourself in the future? Do you want to be married? Are you a good spouse? I love reading your comments so please comment down below and let me know your thoughts. Please also like and share this post. I’d really appreciate your support on all my social media as well.
Until next time. Peace, love and prayers.